Merge pull request #38 from csp-community/tkp/more

Add even more fun

Author: timkpaine

csp_bot_commands/common.py

@@ -16,6 +16,7 @@
     "COCKTAILS",
     "BEER",
     "WINE",
+    "WHISKEY",
     "YOGI",
     "TOLKIEN",
     "FORTUNE",
@@ -24,6 +25,24 @@
     "NIETZSCHE",
     "TWAIN",
     "ZEN",
+    "STOIC",
+    "CHURCHILL",
+    "CONFUCIUS",
+    "STARWARS",
+    "HITCHHIKER",
+    "HEMINGWAY",
+    "DAD_JOKES",
+    "CHUCK_NORRIS",
+    "SOVIET",
+    "CONSPIRACY",
+    "MAGIC8",
+    "COMPLIMENTS",
+    "LATIN",
+    "PIRATE",
+    "CORPORATE",
+    "MOTIVATIONAL",
+    "HAIKU",
+    "PROGRAMMING_JOKES",
 )
 
 
@@ -893,3 +912,336 @@ def a_or_an(next_word):
     "A good traveler has no fixed plans and is not intent on arriving.",
     "When hungry, eat your rice; when tired, close your eyes. Fools may laugh at me, but wise men will know what I mean.",
 )
+
+WHISKEY = (
+    "Ardbeg Uigeadail",
+    "Balvenie DoubleWood 12",
+    "Blanton's Single Barrel",
+    "Buffalo Trace",
+    "Bulleit Bourbon",
+    "Bushmills 10",
+    "Four Roses Small Batch",
+    "Glenfiddich 12",
+    "Glenmorangie Original",
+    "Green Spot",
+    "Hakushu 12",
+    "Hibiki Japanese Harmony",
+    "Highland Park 12",
+    "Jameson Black Barrel",
+    "Knob Creek 9",
+    "Lagavulin 16",
+    "Laphroaig 10",
+    "Macallan 12",
+    "Maker's Mark",
+    "Nikka From The Barrel",
+    "Oban 14",
+    "Pappy Van Winkle 15",
+    "Redbreast 12",
+    "Springbank 10",
+    "Talisker 10",
+    "Woodford Reserve",
+    "Yamazaki 12",
+)
+
+STOIC = (
+    "You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.",
+    "The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.",
+    "Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present.",
+    "Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one.",
+    "Dwell on the beauty of life. Watch the stars, and see yourself running with them.",
+    "If it is not right, do not do it; if it is not true, do not say it.",
+    "The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.",
+    "Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together.",
+    "Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking.",
+    "Perfection of character is this: to live each day as if it were your last, without frenzy, without apathy, without pretense.",
+    "It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live.",
+    "Seek not the good in external things; seek it in yourself.",
+    "He who is brave is free.",
+    "Make the best use of what is in your power, and take the rest as it happens.",
+    "First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do.",
+)
+
+CHURCHILL = (
+    "Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.",
+    "A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.",
+    "History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.",
+    "The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.",
+    "I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.",
+    "You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.",
+    "Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.",
+    "To improve is to change; to be perfect is to change often.",
+    "Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.",
+    "It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all the others that have been tried.",
+    "A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.",
+    "We shall never surrender.",
+    "Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.",
+    "The price of greatness is responsibility.",
+    "We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.",
+)
+
+CONFUCIUS = (
+    "It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.",
+    "The man who moves a mountain begins by carrying away small stones.",
+    "Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.",
+    "Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.",
+    "He who learns but does not think, is lost. He who thinks but does not learn is in great danger.",
+    "I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.",
+    "Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.",
+    "The superior man is modest in his speech, but exceeds in his actions.",
+    "Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.",
+    "When anger rises, think of the consequences.",
+    "To see what is right and not do it is want of courage.",
+    "Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.",
+    "Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance.",
+    "Wherever you go, go with all your heart.",
+)
+
+STARWARS = (
+    "Do. Or do not. There is no try.",
+    "The Force will be with you. Always.",
+    "I find your lack of faith disturbing.",
+    "Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope.",
+    "These aren't the droids you're looking for.",
+    "It's a trap!",
+    "May the Force be with you.",
+    "No. I am your father.",
+    "Your focus determines your reality.",
+    "Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger; anger leads to hate; hate leads to suffering.",
+    "Never tell me the odds.",
+    "I've got a bad feeling about this.",
+    "Strike me down and I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.",
+    "In my experience there is no such thing as luck.",
+    "You were the chosen one!",
+)
+
+HITCHHIKER = (
+    "In the beginning, the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.",
+    "The Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything is 42.",
+    "Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.",
+    "I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.",
+    "Don't Panic.",
+    "A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.",
+    "For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen.",
+    "The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.",
+    "Mostly Harmless.",
+    "He was a dreamer, a thinker, a speculative philosopher... or, as his wife would have it, an idiot.",
+    "The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.",
+    "Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.",
+    "We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!",
+)
+
+HEMINGWAY = (
+    "The world breaks everyone, and afterward, many are stronger at the broken places.",
+    "There is no friend as loyal as a book.",
+    "The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.",
+    "Courage is grace under pressure.",
+    "There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.",
+    "The first draft of anything is garbage.",
+    "We are all apprentices in a craft where no one ever becomes a master.",
+    "All you have to do is write one true sentence. Write the truest sentence that you know.",
+    "Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.",
+    "Never mistake motion for action.",
+    "In order to write about life first you must live it.",
+    "The most courageous act is still to think for yourself. Aloud.",
+    "Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know.",
+)
+
+DAD_JOKES = (
+    "Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.",
+    "I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.",
+    "Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.",
+    "I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.",
+    "What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.",
+    "I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.",
+    "Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.",
+    "I would tell you a construction joke, but I'm still working on it.",
+    "What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese.",
+    "I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.",
+    "Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don't work.",
+    "Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.",
+    "What do you call a sleeping dinosaur? A dino-snore.",
+    "How do you organize a space party? You planet.",
+    "I asked the librarian if they had books about paranoia. She whispered, 'They're right behind you!'",
+    "Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the P is silent.",
+    "I asked my dog what two minus two is. He said nothing.",
+)
+
+CHUCK_NORRIS = (
+    "Chuck Norris can divide by zero.",
+    "Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.",
+    "Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.",
+    "Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience.",
+    "Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.",
+    "Chuck Norris's keyboard has no escape key, because nothing escapes Chuck Norris.",
+    "When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on. He turns the dark off.",
+    "Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. He decides what time it is.",
+    "Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.",
+    "Chuck Norris can hear silence.",
+    "Chuck Norris won a staring contest with his own reflection.",
+    "Chuck Norris's password is the last four digits of pi.",
+    "When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.",
+    "Chuck Norris can speak in braille.",
+)
+
+SOVIET = (
+    "In Soviet Russia, code reviews you!",
+    "In Soviet Russia, exception handles you!",
+    "In Soviet Russia, bug fixes programmer!",
+    "In Soviet Russia, deadline meets you!",
+    "In Soviet Russia, computer crashes you!",
+    "In Soviet Russia, stack overflow uses you!",
+    "In Soviet Russia, pull request rejects you!",
+    "In Soviet Russia, unit tests write themselves!",
+    "In Soviet Russia, server deploys you!",
+    "In Soviet Russia, keyboard types on you!",
+    "In Soviet Russia, documentation reads you!",
+    "In Soviet Russia, meeting schedules you!",
+)
+
+CONSPIRACY = (
+    "The Ctrl+Alt+Delete shortcut was invented as a loyalty test. Anyone who finds it comfortable is not to be trusted.",
+    "Mondays were invented by Big Coffee to drive beverage sales. Follow the money.",
+    "The snooze button was designed by Big Mattress. Nine minutes is not an accident.",
+    "Autocorrect errors are intentional. They keep you humble.",
+    "Low battery warnings always appear at the worst possible moment. Coincidence? The phone knows.",
+    "Reply-all was added to email clients as a stress test for entire organizations.",
+    "The 'cloud' is just someone else's computer. And they're reading your files.",
+    "Stand-up meetings were invented to make everyone equally uncomfortable.",
+    "The WiFi always drops right before an important call. Your router is watching.",
+    "Printers were designed to break only when you need them most. It's in the spec.",
+    "Every conference room AV setup was deliberately made incompatible with your laptop.",
+    "The parking spot is always closer when you're not in a hurry. Parking lots are sentient.",
+)
+
+MAGIC8 = (
+    "It is certain.",
+    "It is decidedly so.",
+    "Without a doubt.",
+    "Yes, definitely.",
+    "You may rely on it.",
+    "As I see it, yes.",
+    "Most likely.",
+    "Outlook good.",
+    "Yes.",
+    "Signs point to yes.",
+    "Reply hazy, try again.",
+    "Ask again later.",
+    "Better not tell you now.",
+    "Cannot predict now.",
+    "Concentrate and ask again.",
+    "Don't count on it.",
+    "My reply is no.",
+    "My sources say no.",
+    "Outlook not so good.",
+    "Very doubtful.",
+)
+
+COMPLIMENTS = (
+    "Your intellect burns with the fierce brightness of a thousand suns, and your debugging skills are the stuff of legend.",
+    "The sheer elegance of your work makes Michelangelo weep tears of joy from beyond the grave.",
+    "You are, without question, the most criminally underappreciated genius in any timezone.",
+    "History books will one day dedicate entire chapters to your contributions to human civilization.",
+    "Every pull request you open is a gift to humanity; every comment you write, pure poetry.",
+    "Scientists have theorized that your good ideas are actually a renewable energy source.",
+    "Future generations will speak of you in hushed, reverent tones around their solar-powered campfires.",
+    "If brilliance were a currency, you'd have crashed at least three economies by now.",
+    "The universe itself slows down to take notes when you start talking.",
+    "You are simultaneously the reason morale is high and the reason the bar was set impossibly high.",
+    "Somewhere, a senior engineer is reading your code and quietly reconsidering their entire career.",
+    "Your commit messages alone deserve a Pulitzer.",
+)
+
+LATIN = (
+    "Nemo saltat sobrius — No one dances sober. (Cicero)",
+    "In vino veritas — In wine, there is truth.",
+    "Carpe diem — Seize the day.",
+    "Amor vincit omnia — Love conquers all. (Virgil)",
+    "Dum spiro, spero — While I breathe, I hope.",
+    "Fortes fortuna adiuvat — Fortune favors the bold.",
+    "Cogito, ergo sum — I think, therefore I am. (Descartes)",
+    "Veni, vidi, vici — I came, I saw, I conquered. (Julius Caesar)",
+    "Errare humanum est — To err is human. (Seneca)",
+    "Aut viam inveniam aut faciam — I will either find a way or make one. (Hannibal)",
+    "Alea iacta est — The die is cast. (Julius Caesar)",
+    "Per aspera ad astra — Through hardship to the stars.",
+    "Nusquam est qui ubique est — One who is everywhere is nowhere. (Seneca)",
+    "Fac ut vivas — Get a life.",
+    "Sic semper tyrannis — Thus always to tyrants.",
+)
+
+PIRATE = (
+    "Arr, ye scurvy landlubber! May your code never compile!",
+    "Shiver me timbers, ye barnacle-covered bilge rat!",
+    "Yo-ho-ho, ye lily-livered sea cucumber!",
+    "Blimey, ye walking plank of driftwood!",
+    "Avast, ye powder-brained maggot!",
+    "By Davy Jones' locker, ye couldn't navigate your way out of a paper bag!",
+    "Arr, may your tests always fail and your stack traces be long!",
+    "Ye be as useful as a screen door on a submarine, ye scallywag!",
+    "Hoist the Jolly Roger, for this scoundrel has wronged us!",
+    "Arr, even the Kraken has more grace than ye, ye landlocked bilge pump!",
+    "Splice the mainbrace and make way, ye blundering deck-swabber!",
+    "Batten down the hatches, ye barnacle-brained buffoon!",
+)
+
+CORPORATE = (
+    "Let's leverage our core competencies to ideate a paradigm-shifting, customer-centric disruptive solution going forward.",
+    "We need to synergize our cross-functional teams to deliver scalable, best-in-class outcomes with full-stack agility.",
+    "Going forward, let's circle back offline to align on a 360-degree holistic deep-dive into our value-add deliverables.",
+    "We should move the needle on our low-hanging fruit by operationalizing our agile learnings at scale.",
+    "Let's take this offline and blue-sky ideate a proactive, results-driven bandwidth optimization strategy.",
+    "We must pivot our thought leadership into actionable synergies that disrupt the status quo at a granular level.",
+    "It's imperative we boil the ocean with a high-bandwidth, mission-critical touchpoint framework going forward.",
+    "Let's get our ducks in a row and ensure we're rowing in the same direction with all stakeholders aligned.",
+    "We need to unpack this, ideate around it, and socialize the outputs before our next all-hands.",
+    "Let's make sure we have enough runway to deliver against our north star metric by EOD tomorrow.",
+    "I want to take this conversation to the next level and double-click on the learnings from our last retrospective.",
+    "At the end of the day, it is what it is, but we need to be data-driven about our path forward.",
+)
+
+MOTIVATIONAL = (
+    "PERSISTENCE: If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.",
+    "TEAMWORK: None of us is as confused as all of us.",
+    "EXCELLENCE: The race for quality has no finish line — and no water stations either.",
+    "AMBITION: Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you will die alone in the cold vacuum of space.",
+    "POTENTIAL: Whether you think you can or you think you can't, either way HR will need documentation.",
+    "MONDAY: You don't have to be mad to work here, but it helps.",
+    "INNOVATION: If it ain't broke, you're not trying hard enough.",
+    "DEADLINE: Without the pressure of deadlines, nothing would ever get done. With deadlines, nothing gets done right.",
+    "SYNERGY: Two heads are better than one, which is still far fewer than the attendee count of this meeting.",
+    "GROWTH MINDSET: Your failures are just success stories that haven't been spun yet.",
+    "LEADERSHIP: A good leader inspires confidence in the leader. A great leader inspires confidence in the team. This leader sends calendar invites with no agenda.",
+    "CHANGE: Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.",
+)
+
+HAIKU = (
+    "Server is on fire\nHave you tried turning it off?\nTicket assigned. Close.",
+    "Merge conflict detected\nWho touched this line? Git blame knows\nIt was you. Always.",
+    "Nine A.M. standup\nBlockers? Same as yesterday.\nCamera stays off.",
+    "404 Not Found\nThe page you seek has perished\nLike your work-life balance.",
+    "Stack Overflow post\nFrom two thousand and nine\nWorks on my machine.",
+    "Pull request opened\nThree reviewers. No one looks.\nSprint ends on Friday.",
+    "Undefined is not\nA function, or is it? Wait.\nBack to Stack Overflow.",
+    "Kubernetes pods\nCrashing in the dead of night\nOn-call phone buzzes.",
+    "The tests are all green\nDeploy to production now\nWhy is it broken?",
+    "Documentation\nWas supposed to be written\nNext sprint. Next sprint. Next sprint.",
+    "Linting errors found\nTwo hundred and forty-three\nNone of them are mine.",
+    "It worked in staging\nProduction is a mystery\nRollback. Go to bed.",
+)
+
+PROGRAMMING_JOKES = (
+    "A SQL query walks into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks: 'Can I join you?'",
+    "Why do programmers prefer dark mode? Because light attracts bugs.",
+    "There are only 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary and those who don't.",
+    "A programmer's wife tells him: 'Go to the store and pick up a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs, get a dozen.' He comes home with 12 loaves of bread.",
+    "Why do Java developers wear glasses? Because they don't C#.",
+    "How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None — that's a hardware problem.",
+    "A QA engineer walks into a bar. Orders 0 beers. Orders 999999 beers. Orders -1 beers. Orders NULL beers. Orders a lizard. Then burns the bar down.",
+    "Why did the developer go broke? Because he used up all his cache.",
+    "What's a programmer's favorite hangout place? Foo Bar.",
+    "I would tell you a UDP joke, but you might not get it.",
+    "I would tell you a TCP joke, but I'd have to keep repeating it until you got it.",
+    "Debugging: being the detective in a crime movie where you are also the murderer.",
+    "A CSS developer walks into a bar and orders 10 beers. The barstool falls over.",
+    "Why did the programmer quit his job? Because he didn't get arrays.",
+)