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CODE_OF_CONDUCT.md

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There is none—and there never will be. Contributors can follow their own personal code of conduct. Similar to real life!

There is, however, a strict repository dress code:

Our Pledge

In the interest of promoting meritorious achievement, we now tailor the yardstick by which all Contributors shall be measured, to ensure that we are ever well-attired in the course of our noble and leet pursuits. Contributors shall at all relevant times dress as follows:

  • Gentlemen: Black tailcoat, black patent leather shoes, white bow tie. No less. Pocket watches mandatory.

  • Ladies: Floor-length formal gowns. Mid-calf unacceptable. Compulsory white gloves when composing issues or pull requests.

  • Casual Fridays will permit tuxedos. On such days, cufflinks may be adorned with one of: Duke, Tiger, Mustang, or Dolphin. Substitution requests not entertained.

Exponential Backoff Policy for Violations of the Contributor Code of Dress

There are punishments for failing to adhere to our exacting standards. Punishments shall be proportionate. In the event that a punishment is not proportionate, it shall be considered to be so anyway.

Premier Faux Pas

Mild admonishment. A polite DM from a repository jannie reminding you to don your gay apparel before engaging in coding activities. Expect gentle mockery for your oversight.

Second Wardrobe Malfunction

A formal warning, and you’ll be required to submit to your Regional Board of Jannies a JIRA ticket elucidating why you chose to abandon elegance. This is your opportunity to plead extenuating circumstances.

Third Shameful Display

A Letter of Reprimand. Also, you must pen a lengthy essay on the folly of waking up and choosing violation in lieu of stateliness.

Further Slovenliness

Any Response that is Deemed necessary and proper for carrying into Execution the foregoing Mortification.

We Hold the Value of Fanciness to Be Self-Evident

So as to best preserve and exalt the spirit of entretenir, instances of tawdry, ignoble, or otherwise unfancy dress may be reported by snitches via wax-sealed and handwritten letter, delivered to [you know the thing]. All complaints will be delved (yes, delved!) into and will result in a response befitting the instant contingency. The project team is obligated to maintain good humour, good software, and of course, fanciness.

</codeofpoppycock>