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Author: kennethnym

src/content/blog/being-myself-unapologetically.md

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+---
+title: being myself, unapologetically
+description: the slow process of unshackling myself
+pubDate: Oct 29 2025
+---
+
+One thing I am slowly getting better at is to stop worrying about other people's opinion of myself. As an advice to both myself and to the reader: live your life on your terms, and don't _ever_ let anyone project theirs onto you.
+
+This is one of the worst traits of mine, and has plagued me for all of my life. Before every word I say, or every action I take, I always try to predict what opinions other people will have of me, adjusting myself in the hopes that I can gain their approvals and therefore [validations](https://kennethnym.com/blog/the-pathological-desire-for-validation/). I have lived my whole life seeking for approvals from others, and ultimately from myself. It is easy to blame myself for acting this way, but I grew up in an environment where I was programmed and rewarded for such pathological behavior. It is hard to unlearn a decade of thinking pattern!
+
+It took me several bad life events to realize that if I don't break the pattern, then they will keep happening to me. I began to take notice of when that happens. For every potential people-pleasing behavior I am about to do, I stop and ask myself: am I doing this intently, or am I doing this because I want to make the other person approve of me? Unsurprisingly, the latter was the answer in the vast majority of cases.
+
+People who judge me for my words, for my actions, and for being myself do not get to be in my life. Thoughts like "What if people think...", "they are going to judge me...", "I want them to think I am a good person", are all shackles that confine my movement and my mind. Remember: you can just do things!