Date: 2026-06-16
Theme: Control and Acceptance
"We have the power to hold no opinion about a thing and to not let it upset our state of mind - for things have no natural power to shape our judgments." - Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
Today I was reviewing our quarterly goals and projects and realized that there were a few threads and discussions in one of the projects that I hadn't checked. Nobody was asking me to, but my "shadow" was nudging me to go and check, maybe share what I was thinking. While I trust everyone on our team to make their best effort, it still felt like I was missing out, or that I had to have an opinion about it as a manager. This created a toxic cycle where I thought I had to have an opinion just for the sake of having an opinion.
How do I acknowledge that I don't have to have an opinion about everything? Moreover, how do I accept that others don't expect me to have an opinion about everything? When people don't seek my opinion, how do I know if it's because of lack of trust, my incompetence, or something else entirely?
There are so many decisions and discussions that happen every minute that I'm not aware of. Since I'm not aware of them, I can't have an opinion-and I don't care about them because I literally don't know about them. I know my team really well, and I know they will come to me when they need my opinion about something. Reminding myself that there is trust and foundation in these relationships, and that I have nothing to be scared of, is really helpful.
- What decisions people make
- What mistakes my team might make
- What the consequences of decisions will be
- Create loops and systems to ensure I'm involved when I should be
- When to engage in conversations and when not to, avoiding micromanagement
- My own attitude and response to news I discover after the fact that I don't support
Immediate Actions:
- When I feel the urge to check on something unprompted, pause and ask: "Is my opinion actually needed here?"
- Remind myself that my team's autonomy is a sign of good leadership, not negligence
- Focus on being available rather than being involved in everything
- Trust the foundation I've built with my team - they know how to reach me
Weekly Reflection:
- Review which discussions I inserted myself into unnecessarily
- Notice the difference between helpful guidance and opinion-for-opinion's sake
- Celebrate moments when my team handled things without me - that's success, not failure
- Check if my "involvement systems" are working or if I need to adjust them
By accepting that I don't need to have an opinion about everything, I free myself from the exhausting cycle of trying to monitor every thread and decision. This isn't about being disengaged—it's about being strategically engaged. When I stop forcing opinions where none are needed, I preserve mental energy for the decisions that truly matter and strengthen the trust my team has in their own judgment.