Date: 2025-06-17
Theme: Control and Acceptance
"Don’t demand that things happen as you wish, but wish that they happen as they do happen, and you will go on well." - Epictetus
This is not about something that happened today, but about something that has happened to me many times throughout my career - and still continues to challenge me.
There are moments when I'm asked to communicate a decision I don’t fully agree with. The pattern is familiar: the decision comes from above, often based not on data or thorough analysis, but on someone’s intuition or past experience. And regardless of whether it might turn out right or wrong, I find myself needing to explain it to the team, motivate them around it, and get them moving in a direction I didn’t choose.
Each time, I wish I had handled it better. I never feel like I did it “right.” I often end up sounding hesitant, disconnected, or overly critical. The hardest part is finding a way to commit to something I didn't believe in fully - without feeling like I'm betraying my integrity or my team.
- How do I lead authentically when I don’t fully support the decision?
- Can I commit without fully agreeing - and still feel in control of myself?
- How do I communicate with clarity when I don’t have conviction?
- How can I transform uncertainty into something the team can act on?
The quote from Epictetus pushes back against a natural tendency: wishing things were different. In these moments, I waste energy hoping that the decision was based on data, that I had been included earlier, that I had more control. But I don’t. What I do have is the ability to respond with clarity, integrity, and intention - even when I disagree.
And maybe that’s the core of Stoicism here: not surrendering control, but reclaiming it where it truly exists.
- The source or logic of the decision
- The fact that I have to deliver it to the team
- How the decision makes me feel at first
- How I process and reflect on the decision
- The clarity I bring to the team
- The mindset I hold while translating uncertainty into direction
- “Disagree and commit” isn’t about suppression - it’s about channeling my energy into what’s useful.
- I don’t need to endorse the decision’s origin; I can take ownership of how we move forward.
- There’s strength in being the bridge - in helping others find meaning in ambiguity, even when I’m still searching myself.
Daily:
- When I feel resistance, pause to reflect on what’s inside vs. outside my control.
- Ask: “What part of this can I own, shape, or clarify for others?”
- Use journaling to capture my honest reactions privately, so I can lead publicly with composure.
Communication Practices:
- Use transparent framing: “I had questions too, here’s what I learned…”
- Translate intention, not just instruction.
- Hold space for dissent while aligning the team on shared action.
This is still a work in progress. I haven’t cracked this yet. Each time I face it, I feel the tension - between integrity and alignment, between honesty and motivation.
But Stoicism offers a thread to follow: the idea that I don’t need to control the decision, only how I carry it. The more I return to that, the less I feel stuck - and the more I can lead from a place of groundedness, even in uncertainty.