Date: 2025-06-25
Theme: Leadership Philosophy
"If it is not right, do not do it; if it is not true, do not say it." - Marcus Aurelius
Today, I had to deliver difficult feedback about performance to someone I genuinely wanted to succeed. I had high hopes for them, rooted in optimism and belief in their potential. I wanted their story to be a success story.
But when I took a step back and analyzed the situation - looking at actual outcomes, contributions, and impact - it became clear they hadn’t reached the level we were aiming for. The evidence was there. And with it came a deep disappointment. Not just in their results, but in the reality that I had to confront it honestly.
I noticed a strong internal resistance. I wanted to shape the story differently - to soften the message, to only highlight the positive. It wasn’t about deception, but about the desire to protect both them and myself from discomfort. That moment made me pause.
How do I stay honest when honesty feels like harm? How do I separate kindness from avoidance?
Can I accept that my duty is to share truth, not to control how it lands? How do I care deeply about someone’s growth while being radically objective about their performance?
Marcus Aurelius reminds us that our moral compass lies in doing what is right and true - not what is convenient or comfortable. As a manager, I often want to be the bearer of good news. But that’s not my job. My role is to tell the truth with care.
Being honest doesn’t mean being harsh. It means honoring the person enough to give them clarity, even when it hurts. It means trusting that they deserve the full truth, not just the comforting version.
- Their reaction to the feedback
- Whether they agree or disagree
- The emotional weight that comes with leadership
- The clarity and compassion in my message
- The thoroughness of my assessment
- My intention to support, not to shame
- The urge to make things easier is natural, but doing the hard thing is often the most human thing.
- Kindness is not the absence of pain, but the presence of truth delivered with care.
- Reminding myself of my responsibilities helps me ground my decisions when emotions want to take over.
Weekly:
- Reflect on where I might be tempted to avoid discomfort, and why.
- Remind myself of my responsibility: to serve growth, not ease.
Feedback Practices:
- Review feedback before delivering it - is it honest, clear, and helpful?
- Frame feedback around impact, not just intention.
- Speak the truth, but stay with the person emotionally.
- Be kind, but don’t confuse that with being vague or overly optimistic.
Today reminded me that my role is not to carry people across the finish line, it's to shine light on the path so they can walk it themselves. I felt sad, yes, but also grounded. I didn’t twist the story. I stayed true to my role and my values.
There’s pain in truth. But there’s also dignity. And it’s my responsibility to honor both.