Hello [EMPLOYEE NAME],
You have been selected by the Red Panda Studios™ Department of Groove Machines Development Efficiency™® to undergo virtual development training due to your lack of posted progress. Please read the instructions below thoroughly and reference the terms of service for additional information. Please note that time will progress at a rate approximately 60 times faster while in the virtual training simulation due to unknown circumstances.
You will have a time limit of 9 hours to complete as much of Groove Machines™ and make as much money for Red Panda Studios™ as you possibly can.
Your main task will consist of typing code in the BAMBOO ENGINE IDE™. Access this window by pressing [2] on your keyboard, and simply write code as you would in any other real world IDE. Bamboo Engine features some of the best autocomplete the industry has, so your code may be updated to match company standards as you type. Each character you type in the IDE will help you complete C# scripts. Upon a script's full and entire completion, you will earn one point per character in your 1337 HAX0R LEVEL®. Please note that autosave was not a feature deemed necessary, so in the rare event that your IDE encounters an error you may lose progress on your current script.
Your secondary task will be responding to bug reports on esteemed Git® repository hosting website, GITPANDA.GAY™. Access this window by pressing [3] on your keyboard, and click on bugs to squash them and keep users happy. You may be familiar with the Red Panda Studios™ company motto, "THE USER IS ALWAYS WRONG. YES, ALWAYS" ™® so bug squashing is truly more of a PR service to the Company, although be careful because too many bugs may slow down your system and cause other applications to become inoperable!
Your final task will be misusing company funds in a digital poker-like gambling minigame SHIKU SOLITAIRE4, developed by our head Red Panda Studios™ engineers to perfectly emulate a V.G.H.I.E (Video Game Hyperfixation Inefficiency Event)™ that may appear in the real workforce. Access this window by pressing [1] on your keyboard. You may draw and flip a card during your company mandated zero minute break to unlock special abilities, earn money, and increase your 1337 HAX0R LEVEL®. Please keep note of the current time as you work. At the end of each hour, you will be paid a generous $0.10 per character typed. Upon the 9 hour simulation completing, you will be presented with how much profit you have generated for Red Panda Studios™.
Sincerely, Disuko Red Panda Studios™ Co-Founder
*Seasons Greetings & Happy Holidays from your family here at Red Panda Studios™. **Please understand that no additional “holiday bonus” will be supplied. You may bring your own candy canes and presents to give to your manager during our company mandated Non-Denominational Holiday Extravaganza® taking place on December 24th and December 25th from the hours of 9am-9pm.