Jankyscroll makes your website's UX undeniably worse. Let's talk about a couple ways you could delude yourself into thinking that you want this.
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First and foremost, jankyscroll is a tool for randomized, organic content discovery. Users can unintentionally (and forcibly!) discover parts of your website they didn't know or care about, and probably still won't. Maybe that's something you want. I don't know.
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In today's diverse ecosystem, it can be a real challenge to support every available platform. Solutions like Modernizr do their best to help you adapt to all manner of devices, but jankyscroll elegantly resolves all issues. Performance will be just as terrible on a brand new, state-of-the-art machine as it was on your dad's old Compaq that caught fire that one time.
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For too long, content providers have allowed ungrateful users to scroll wherever they please, whenever they please. With jankyscroll, you can assert your rightful dominance as a Provider of Value, and stop those thankless users from scrolling so freely. Control the Scroll, with jankyscroll. It sucks.
If you really want to use jankyscroll, I guess I can't stop you. First, you would include it in your page, like this. You should already know this stuff, probably.
<script src="your/path/to/jankyscroll.js"></script>
Then, initialize the plugin at the bottom of your document, if you're a good programmer who follows best practices. Which you're obviously not, because you're still here, reading this garbage.
jankyscroll(trigger_distance, jank_amount);
trigger_distance sets the distance, in pixels, that one has to scroll before they get jank'd. jank_amount sets an approximate range of just how jank'd they'll be, also in pixels.
jankyscroll(400, 50);
For instance, the above code would mean that the user would be jank'd around by about 50px for every 400px scrolled.
Thankfully, that's all. If your jank_amount is greater than your trigger_distance, that might cause some problems. Who cares.
In order to surface powerful emergent janking patterns, we've made changes in the version jump to jankyscroll 2.0. We've added a third argument, jank_method, specifying a specific method of janking. Here are three provided options:
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"scroll"(default) - The classic flavor of jank "enjoyed" by web users all around the globe. -
"offset"- I don't actually remember what this one does, and I'm not about to go find out. -
"hardcore"- This option is for hardcore jank junkies only. Be warned, this will jank each element separately.jankyscroll(400, 250, "hardcore");
If you wish, you can supply a custom jank function. Your function should take an integer value called jank_amount. Creating your own jank function allows for incredible extensibility. Here's sideways janking:
jankyscroll(320, 160, function(jank_amount) {
window.scrollBy(jank_amount, 0); // x, y
});
Having trouble with jankyscroll? Sorry, I don't really know what to do about that. It's sort of trouble to begin with, no? I'm sure you'll figure it out.
If you'd like to contact me about jankyscroll: please, don't.
It doesn't work on mobile, because I have homework to do tonight. If someone wants to pull request that, I'll probably laugh at you for wasting your time on this bullshit, but then accept it. So, you know, go for it.
Nevermind, it totally does work on mobile. If someone was in the middle of working on this, I'm sorry, but it's not like what you were doing mattered to begin with, right?
I snatched the starting point for this venture from The Onion's most excellent fartscroll.js, which I whole-heartedly encourage you use alongside jankyscroll.
I'd like to publically shame James Adam Buckland for encouraging this.
Copyright (c) 2015 Benjamin Zweig
Permission is hereby granted, free of charge, to any person obtaining a copy of this software and associated documentation files (the "Software"), to deal in the Software without restriction, including without limitation the rights to use, copy, modify, merge, publish, distribute, sublicense, and/or sell copies of the Software, and to permit persons to whom the Software is furnished to do so, subject to the following conditions:
The above copyright notice and this permission notice shall be included in all copies or substantial portions of the Software.
THE SOFTWARE IS PROVIDED "AS IS", WITHOUT WARRANTY OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO THE WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE AND NONINFRINGEMENT. IN NO EVENT SHALL THE AUTHORS OR COPYRIGHT HOLDERS BE LIABLE FOR ANY CLAIM, DAMAGES OR OTHER LIABILITY, WHETHER IN AN ACTION OF CONTRACT, TORT OR OTHERWISE, ARISING FROM, OUT OF OR IN CONNECTION WITH THE SOFTWARE OR THE USE OR OTHER DEALINGS IN THE SOFTWARE.
Also, give credit, ya doofs.