ERROR 404: SANITY NOT FOUND LOADING CHAOS... ████████████ 100%
// Current state — somewhere between death and worse
const me = {
status: "barely_alive", // Kept alive by caffeine and bad decisions
coffee: Math.random() * 100, // The only reason this organism functions
bugs_today: Infinity, // Like Pokémon, but they evolve into breakdowns
sanity: null, // Gone. Lost in a merge conflict.
brain: undefined, // 404: Cognitive function not found
motivation: () => Math.random() > 0.9 ? "present" : "missing", // 10% chance of pretending to care
};
// The cursed loop, also known as "productivity"
while (coding) {
try {
create_chaos(); // Aka "doing my job"
} catch (life) {
console.log("why"); // Scream into the void, it echoes
throw new Error("what the fuck is that?"); // The official documentation of my existence
} finally {
question_existence(); // Mandatory mental health break (not effective)
}
}
// This function embodies my career
function create_chaos() {
if (Math.random() < 0.5) {
throw new Error("Unexpected life event"); // Divorce? Bankruptcy? JS runtime error? Who knows!
}
console.log("Code compiles, but... should it?"); // Ethics not included
}
// Existential crisis simulator
function question_existence() {
console.log("Is this even real?"); // Spoiler: it never was
}
- 78% of time spent reading error messages no one truly understands.
- 14% searching for motivation that vanished sometime around Sprint 6.
- 7% googling “how to fake your own death and become untraceable.”
- 1% actually coding. Poorly. Very poorly.
- Cold coffee consumed at 4PM like a shot of liquid despair.
- Pointless meetings where your mic is muted, but your soul screams.
- Your manager, who thinks a “small ticket” = 15 minutes of work (spoiler: it’s a full rewrite).
- Clone this repo.
- Run
dev_life_simulator.js. - Watch your life flash before your eyes as
create_chaos()does a better job than you ever did. - Call a therapist. Or an exorcist. Or both.
This project passed all tests — except the will to live.
Wanna contribute? Why? Haven’t you suffered enough?
Fork the repo, change a variable, cry a little, and submit a PR.
I will judge silently.
Released under the “I'm doing my best with what I have” license.
No warranty, no logic, no hope.
[UNDER CONSTRUCTION FOREVER]
[PROFESSIONAL LIES]
[MAYBE RESPONDS]
